When is it okay to be a jerk?

Sometimes I wonder if being nice is worth it. I’ve recently had a couple of opportunities to be a full-scale jerk – justifiably. Remember the concrete guy? I opted for the high road, or maybe the coward’s road – whatever way you look at it.

I could have been a jerk. He deserved it.

But I didn’t.

A couple of days ago I had another opportunity to pull out my inner jerk. Here’s the story…

I was minding my own business cruising along the Ohio Turnpike on my way to Cleveland. My companion, a pregnant co-worker, has to pee a lot. We pulled into a rest area, parked and headed for the facilities.

As we approached the building a herd of teens came barreling out. And I mean barreling. Apparently, we were invisible as they commandeered the sidewalk, pushing through without so much as an “excuse me.”

We shook it off and headed into the bathroom only to find ourselves surrounded by a busload of little old ladies. For the record, otherwise friendly little old ladies get MEAN when they have to pee.

We eventually get a turn and finish our business. We then head back out to the parking lot. I look toward my car and can’t believe what I see – a guy, an adult, placing his two Coke cans ON THE HOOD OF MY CAR!

Are you kidding me???

My inner jerk was right there, ready to blast this guy. But the nice girl in me clicked my remote causing my lights to flash, which gave the moron the heads up. He was busted. He grabbed his Cokes off my car as I approached. I said nothing. Got in my car – slammed my door -- and pulled away.

When I told Techno Spouse the story his inner jerk came raging out with a list of things I could of or should of said or done. What do you think? When is it okay, and even desirable, to bring forth your inner jerk? Am I a wimp or just a nice girl? What would you have done?

Let Them Eat Cake ... Just NOT My Piece

I am not generally motivated by cake. I admit to a veracious sweet tooth when it comes to chocolate chip cookies – but not cake. That is unless the cake is a Bill Knapp’s chocolate-to-die-for birthday cake.

If you’ve never heard of Bill Knapp’s, or never experienced their one and only birthday cake – you have my sympathies. I worked at Bill Knapp’s through college – and yes in case you’re wondering – that was during the first gas crisis.

Bill Knapp’s was known for two things, the first was ham croquets. Ham croquets were a disgusting blob of deep-fried ham spread. The blue hairs couldn’t get enough. The second was the birthday cake.

The birthday cake was FREE if you knew enough to show up on your actual birthday. About 30 people a day showed up with driver’s license in hand claiming their cake. Sadly, Bill Knapp’s tanked and along with it – the famous birthday cake.

Or so I thought.

Last Sunday my sister showed up with an authentic, real deal Bill Knapp’s chocolate cake to celebrate Grandma’s 84th birthday. The cake was the highlight of dinner. Miraculously we managed to have ONE piece left.

One lonely piece.

I casually mentioned the piece to Techno Spouse the next day. He ignored me as usual. Next I observed my daughter pass it up on several occasions. I also observed Grandma (who lives with us) completely ignore the foil wrapped delicacy in the fridge. That tells me – it’s fair game – which of course means – IT’S MINE.

Seems reasonable, right?

On the fourth day of witnessing the complete dismissal of this lonely piece of cake – I took matters into my own hands. Midway through my indulgence, Grandma caught me red-handed eating HER cake. I no sooner licked the plate and Techno Spouse came in from golf looking for HIS cake. While I’m mumbling my explanation to two indignant family members, a third, my daughter, surfaced claiming HER cake.

Busted.

So I ask you, what amount of time is reasonable before an unclaimed, lonely piece of chocolate cake becomes fair game? Do me a favor andd click this link Humor Blogs - I'm sure they've missed me.