Let Them Eat Cake ... Just NOT My Piece

I am not generally motivated by cake. I admit to a veracious sweet tooth when it comes to chocolate chip cookies – but not cake. That is unless the cake is a Bill Knapp’s chocolate-to-die-for birthday cake.

If you’ve never heard of Bill Knapp’s, or never experienced their one and only birthday cake – you have my sympathies. I worked at Bill Knapp’s through college – and yes in case you’re wondering – that was during the first gas crisis.

Bill Knapp’s was known for two things, the first was ham croquets. Ham croquets were a disgusting blob of deep-fried ham spread. The blue hairs couldn’t get enough. The second was the birthday cake.

The birthday cake was FREE if you knew enough to show up on your actual birthday. About 30 people a day showed up with driver’s license in hand claiming their cake. Sadly, Bill Knapp’s tanked and along with it – the famous birthday cake.

Or so I thought.

Last Sunday my sister showed up with an authentic, real deal Bill Knapp’s chocolate cake to celebrate Grandma’s 84th birthday. The cake was the highlight of dinner. Miraculously we managed to have ONE piece left.

One lonely piece.

I casually mentioned the piece to Techno Spouse the next day. He ignored me as usual. Next I observed my daughter pass it up on several occasions. I also observed Grandma (who lives with us) completely ignore the foil wrapped delicacy in the fridge. That tells me – it’s fair game – which of course means – IT’S MINE.

Seems reasonable, right?

On the fourth day of witnessing the complete dismissal of this lonely piece of cake – I took matters into my own hands. Midway through my indulgence, Grandma caught me red-handed eating HER cake. I no sooner licked the plate and Techno Spouse came in from golf looking for HIS cake. While I’m mumbling my explanation to two indignant family members, a third, my daughter, surfaced claiming HER cake.

Busted.

So I ask you, what amount of time is reasonable before an unclaimed, lonely piece of chocolate cake becomes fair game? Do me a favor andd click this link Humor Blogs - I'm sure they've missed me.

Day Starts with Cops at Front Door

For the record, we are a law-abiding family. In fact, the last household member to stand before a judge was my 83-year old mother-in-law. She got busted for speeding.

Here’s the story. A few weeks back Techno Spouse and I decided to invest a big chunk of our daughter’s college fund to spruce up the backyard. We had a concrete patio poured (a stamped concrete patio), and extensive flora and fauna strategically scattered about.

While all this beautification was certainly an event for us – we assumed it was a non-event for the neighbors, especially the neighbors-to-be. We were wrong.

About a week after the patio was poured a stranger knocked on our front door. Techno Spouse and I were at work and my mother-in-law was busy speeding about town. That left sleep-till-noon teenager to answer the door. When she did so, an agitated man mumbling something about concrete greeted her. She gave him her dad’s cell number and went back to bed.

Techno Spouse then got a voice mail accusing him of authorizing dumping on this guy’s lot. Huh?

Being an all round responsible citizen, Techno Spouse called the concrete contractor and relayed the offense. The concrete guy fessed up – he had dumped a wheelbarrow full of concrete in the empty lot. Concrete guy agreed to clean it up. Techno Spouse left irate neighbor-to-be a message and thought it was a mildly amusing, slightly annoying done deal.

That brings us to yesterday. Two squad cars arrived at our home bright and early to investigate a complaint. This time Grandma answered the door. She proceeded to charm the “young men” with her sweet little grandma routine and told them to call her son.

Techno Spouse got another call at work - this time from the police. Apparently, our neighbor-to-be had ACTUALLY CALLED THE POLICE to report a wheelbarrow full of concrete had been dumped on his empty lot. Are you kidding???

Rest assured – the case is solved. The offending concrete has been removed. What can I say -- we are left shaking our heads. Welcome to the neighborhood buddy.

For the record, if my Dad were alive and something this ridiculous happened – he’d be plotting his revenge. If my Mom were alive – her plan would’ve been – kill him with kindness. What do you think?