Naked keester causes treadmill incident

Dear Faithful Readers (both of you),

I feel as though I’ve been neglecting you recently. I’m sorry. I do have a good excuse. It appears I may have damaged my dumbass, er rather my dermas layer of my skin, the skin on my shin to be specific. You may be wondering how a boo-boo on my shin affects my typing skills. Good question. The answer -- I find it difficult to focus on typing when I am preoccupied with whining.

Here’s my story. One fateful day about a month ago, I took a good long look at my naked keester in the mirror. It wasn’t pretty. Remembering our long forgotten treadmill, I decided to immediately do something about my sagging birthday suit. I put on my tennis shoes, cleared the crap off the treadmill and hopped on. For about three minutes it was all good.

And then it happened. In an overzealous moment I decided to increase the aerobic workout by swinging my arms. To allow room for my gorilla arms, I stepped back … and stepped right off the treadmill. The good news is I landed on my keester. The bad news is I skinned the begeezies out of my shin.

After unsuccessfully dealing with my boo-boo for several weeks, I decided it was time for medical intervention. The nurse became quite flustered when I removed my Dora-the Explorer band-aid. She immediately went pale and started talking tetnus.

By the time Doc came in, it was obvious he had been briefed. Without actually examining my boo-boo (unless you count a glance while standing in the doorway) he said, “It appears you have damaged your dumbass, er rather your dermas layer.” He went on to tell me to “butter” the wound with this goopy white stuff and comeback in two weeks.

So you see, with all this shin drama going on, there’s no way I could be expected to type. I’ll do better from here on. Any of you have treadmill wisdom you’d be willing to share?