I’m a mom, and generally speaking that means I abide by the shoulds of motherhood. But I have to wonder, are all shoulds created equal, or are the shoulds of social graces the biggies? This is the story of how my daughter pushed the shoulds of polite little girls. She was about 7 when this happened.
“Mom, I need a bad word,” she announced with hands on her hips.
“And why is that?” I asked.
“For the same reason you need bad words.”
Oops, she got me there.
“And what bad word did you have in mind?”
“Crap,” she said. “I want to say crap without getting into trouble.”
“And when do you plan on saying crap?” I asked, maintaining my mandatory motherly resistance.
“Duh – when I need a bad word, of course,” she answered.
Reluctantly, I agreed. “You can say crap – occasionally – providing you never use it to describe another person, no crapheads or full of crap allowed.”
“Deal,” she said and skipped off feeling a little more grown-up. I felt a little less grown-up. What kind of a mom tells her little girl she can say crap? This kind, I guess.
For the next few weeks I endured the disapproving glances of moms with a better grip on the shoulds of parenting. One afternoon I counted the number of “craps” coming from the backyard. Well into double-digits, I realized it was time to renegotiate this crap. I put out a cease-and-desist order and once more tried to explain the how-and-when of bad words, with heavy emphasis on the when.
We arrived at a “crap” agreement: no crap from either of us, unless it’s absolutely the only word that captures the moment. With crap agreement in tow we tried again. To this day, the majority of crap violations are mine. I should know better.
Parents out there, are you helping your kids use bad words properly? If not, should you be? Got a minute, visit my blogging buddy Meg. I have faith she's instilling all the proper shoulds in her kids.
5 comments:
I understand your reasoning. But I feel like glossing over such things, like using milder forms of bad words, can set kids up to not deal with the real world later on. I think you should have gone for 'shit.'
funny, my husband and I get into this discussion a lot. We both tend to curse like sailors and our daughter is about 18 months old, and therefore picking up on EVERYTHING. I keep telling him that i Have no problem with her learning bad words and their appropriate use, but no way do I want them pouring out of her 18 month old mouth.
Thanks for playing along this week! :)
I swear like a sailor. And this has been duly noted by my daring son. He was in and out of the hospital recently and had to undergo a lot of poking and prodding as a result. As the techs were trying to install his third IV port in as many days, my sweet natured, but very sick and very scared little boy had had enough. Over the cacophony of adult medical sounds, a little voice rang out... OH SH**!
Breaking the tension and sending everyone into bales of laughter. Save for me, who was mortified.
My husband put the proper spin on this, saying "Well, at least he used it properly and in context."
Laughing too hard to post anything meaningful, sorry.
I have always believed in saving it (the need to use a bad word)for when it will have the most impact-- no crying wolf here--if you hear a bad word from me head for the hills I'm about to explode- otherwise I am a nerd enough to say of fudge, fuey, shoot and gees--
but then what the hell--@##$ %^&*^$ ((%$#%^U
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